Photo of the author and her then 5-month old son
I won’t go into the old news that is Time’s controversial “mom enough” mid-May issue. We all know they sold enough copies on that matter.
Instead, I wanted to share some views on attachment parenting and breastfeeding expressed by fellow Filipino moms.
To begin, let me say that I am a babywearing, formerly nursing mom (my son recently weaned after being breastfed for two years and six months). In fact, here’s a photo of me a year and a half ago, when my son was just five months old.
Here in the Philippines, we are not new to the concept of babywearing and breastfeeding.
Velvet Escario‐Roxas, a breastfeeding counselor and representative of Arugaan (ah-roo-ga-an), a non-governmental, WHO-funded organization that conducts breastfeeding training for the Philippine Department of Health, gave a good picture of this when she posted a recent Facebook status update on the fan page of the popular breastfeeding blog, Chronicles of a Nursing Mom:
“Our Pinoy [colloquialism for "Filipino] ancestors have been doing these things since the beginning of time. We call it the Filipino way of living or raising of children. They on the other hand modernized it and called it attachment parenting. Look at the indigenous folks of the mountain provinces. Read more…
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I think one of the hardest things for any parent to admit to themselves is that there may be something wrong with one of their children. Admitting that you may have failed, in some small way, at recognising the signs or that you may have got it wrong, for so many years, is always a little difficult, well it has been for me.
My oldest son is 23 years old and I’ve battled for at least 10 of those last years to understand him and why he does some of the things he does. Our family life has been an ongoing battle for most of those years as we’ve navigated the seemingly bad behaviour through the teenage years and then through early adulthood with some on-going patterns of concerning behaviour.
I’ve struggled for many years to maintain the peace between my son and his step-father. I’ve heard the ‘he’s lazy, he doesn’t care, and he needs to do…’ scenarios for too many years. These are then coupled with the contrasting ‘why won’t he get off my back, I didn’t mean to, I don’t know why….’ responses. Being the meat in the sandwich is a common feeling for me. Read more…
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A rite of passage for American children is a sleepover. A sleepover is where a guest or guests are invited to stay overnight at the home of a friend. My six-year-old daughter will have her first sleepover this month.
Few words strike more fear into the heart of a parent than these: “Can I have a sleepover?” Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, wrote about her strict rules which included denying her children the experience of attending a sleepover. Her viewpoint was that nothing good could come from attending a sleepover.
So what’s the big deal about sleepovers, anyhow? Sleepovers are big events for children – a time to feel grown up, to delight in special alone time with a friend, to joke around and share laughs with friends until they cry! Read more…
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“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss
I have often heard people say “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle” or “things happen for a reason” and even “you may not understand it now, but God has a plan.” Religious or not, I am sure these quotes are somewhat familiar to you. How you chose to incorporate them into your life can differ drastically from one person to another.
For me, when put in a situation that I felt was almost impossible to get though, it was hard to remember these words of encouragement. Some would argue that because I hadn’t built my life on a strong spiritual foundation, I then had trouble finding comfort in these words when I needed it most. Others might say that my ability to “get through” a tough situation would rely mostly on the strength and determination I had developed within myself and that would then give me the courage to handle almost anything.
I find myself in awe of those people I meet or hear of that have been through situations that I don’t think I’d be able to come back from. In the scheme of things, I do believe I have been blessed. Regardless of the troubles I have had, I do believe that I can learn from those around me who have endured the unimaginable. When we open ourselves up to truly listening to those we meet, it is then that we can really learn something about life. Read more…
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A few days after my firstborn son graced us with his presence, I sat in my living room cradling him while he slept. I was chatting with my parents, who had traveled from South Africa to herald the arrival of their first grandchild. I looked down at my sleeping baby and my heart filled with so much love that I thought I was going to burst. Softly, I said, “Giving away a baby must be the hardest decision in the world for a mom.”
As I uttered those words, I was thinking of the circumstances of my own birth.
Having a baby out of wedlock was considered to be a social disgrace 42 years ago – so much so that when my birth mother became pregnant, she left town in order to avoid telling her parents. Sometimes I try to put myself in the shoes of this woman who was young and frightened, living in a strange city far away from everyone she knew, and trying to decide on the fate of her unborn child. Read more…
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As mothers we’re all pretty tired most of the time, worn down from the demands of raising the most important people on earth, and we need each other’s company to share in the difficulties and confide in the hardships.
Sharing helps us feel less alone in our endeavors and assuages our insecurities and doubts. It was very therapeutic for me to start writing for WMB a year ago, especially during a particularly difficult period when I shared my motherhood experiences while living in Mexico in my post “Living Under House Arrest“.
It is a great gift that we can learn from and lean on each other by sharing the difficult moments,but today I need to write about the immense joy that I feel as a parent. The joy that is still expanding inside of me since last night, forcing me to find an outlet to wax on about how happy I am before I explode.
In my sharing, I hope to celebrate my joy with you as well as allow all of us to remember the fleeting moments that make this whole parenting thing so immeasurably worthwhile. You will know what I mean… Read more…
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